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It's Always Cloudy in Kalisz EP09 - "The Fast and the F#$ked"


The episode starts with Minka and Axel on the bridge scrounging for supplies. Axel had just found a floor lamp when they heard Russian voices crying out on the other side of the bridge. Minka bolted like an Olympic sprinter in the opposite direction. Axel went to do the same but got winged by a wild round fired from the Russians. Failing his coolness under fire, Axel found himself alone, wounded, and pinned down with the figure of Minka disappearing into the countryside.

Back at the camp Mason and Zofie were on watch while Blanco finally catches some sleep. Pavlov, with Kurwa as constant company, was busy cooking the fine rabbits that Minka and Zofie had caught earlier. Zofie spots something odd in the woods and alerts Mason. As soon as Mason turns to look, with the sound of a woomph, a cloud of smoke erupted near a rock not too far off. Mason jumped to the ready, calling the camp to alert as he climbed into the gunners seat on the Miserable Beast. The survivors at the camp jumped to the ready as a figure clad in red leather with a forest green cloak and a sniper rifle appears where the smoke appeared. She was waving a white flag in a symbol of peace.

Blanco recognizes the woman and tells the player that if Isabelle was an angel, that this woman is a devil. Blanco starts to head over toward the woman. Mason hopped out of the Humvee and told Zofie to take the machine gun position, stating that he trusts her with the gun more than Pavlov. After an exchange of socially awkward pleasantries, the rest of the group realizes that Blanco has a torrid past with the woman, whose name turns out to be Anuziata Ferrari. She is an assassin like Blanco who is currently working for the College. Mason tells her that they have the nuke and warns her that it is theirs and that they are due compensation from the college. In the middle of their banter, the sounds of gunfire from the direction of Minka and Axel.

Mason decides to keep the nuke, on the makeshift sled, attached to the Humvee as they race off to save their companions. Mason jumps into the gunner seat, Zofie takes the wheel and Pavlov sits up front holding Kurwa in his lap. Zofie, for someone who just learned how to drive, slams the pedal to the medal and starts racing cross country with the nuke in tow.

Back on the bridge, the Russian rush forward, navigating the wreckage on the bridge, or taking the tunnel underneath and they close on Axel and Minka. Axel began crawling, trying to get out of there while Minka continued to run as fast as she could away from the bridge.

Back in Miserable Beast, Blano suggests to Mason that they should set up a fake IED to make it look like they could blow up the nuke. Mason isn’t sure it’s the best idea but agrees.

On the bridge, the Russians quickly surrounded Axel, guns pointed but not shooting for the moment. Axel, holding the lamp, cries out in Russian that he is surrendering.

Back in the Humvee, Blanco begins crafting his bomb, which is actually a live explosive device made from plastic explosives and a mix-mosh of other scavenged parts.

On the bridge, Axel makes a deal to exchange information about the College in exchange for his life. The GRU Captain, Zofie’s father, accepts and tells the soldiers to get ready to take him back to base and then starts talking to his radioman. He suddenly stops, turns, and looks right at Axel and says “I know you.” The jig is up and if there was a time for pants shitting, now would be a good time.


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